Yes, I made that word up, but I couldn't think of another that suited my mood. The King of Siam (movie version) comes to mind. He used 'wonderment', which does fit, but because I'm wondering about some things not because of their wondrous nature.
Anyway, I've had a few comments on my tweets that aren't so positive and I knew I couldn't sort it out for myself in 140 characters or less.
First of all, let me say that my posts and tweets are really for my own amusement, venting or whatever, and yes they are public. I've always felt the public at large had the right to my opinion, if they choose to read it. And if someone is offended, I'm sorry but I didn't force anyone to read it.
How would that be done? There are a lot of things a person can force another to do, but reading is not one of them. Picture someone attempting force reading. "Rats! She closed her eyes AGAIN! She's never going to read this, is she?! Okay! Get the wet noodle!"
I have found that as I've gotten older, I care less and less about being acceptable to other people. (pop pop pop) I hear those bubbles bursting! I used to be such a people pleaser but now I find that when I'm true to myself, it means I'm being true to God. I'm "performing" this life for an audience of One. Period. And NO apologies.
I may go into more detail at another time, but for now, I'll quote my sweet husband. When he and I were talking about getting married, and the compromises involved, he asked if I could accept it if he never embraced my particular version of faith. I said,"Yes, of course!" and thought 'I'll convince him how wrong he is one of these days.' At the time I was a member of a Religious Science Church and thoroughly, with ever fiber of my being believed what I had learned there. After all, I had many, many years invested and 7 years of classes, testing and licensing. He was, after all, a born-again Christian and there was all that guilt and sin and other unloving things. Nope, not for me. Buuuuuut... also in the deepest part of my heart, I had this longing for Jesus. Where did that come from? And where on earth did it fit into what I believed? So when I prayed aloud, I would tag on a silent, "In Jesus name I pray." A safety clause, I thought. One day, I came to find out that Jesus was much more than a safety clause.
Oh! Wait! Back to what my darling husband said to me. I asked the same question back to him, if he would be all right if I was never able to embrace faith in his particular way. He said,"Well, I will be sad that you aren't with me in Heaven, but yes, I can accept that." Period. NEVER another word about it and believe me, he is not short of them. He has an incredible vocabulary, (as does my eldest sister) and he can ask questions of people many times in many different ways until he gets them to say what they were trying not to say. (He is an excellent lawyer!)
I have mulled that sentence over in my mind countless times. Okay, backing up a bit again... my beliefs were all inclusive. "This" is for me and whatever those people want to belive is fine, too. They're just calling my God by another name, aren't they? And their Savior is okay too. Buddha, Mohammed, etc., but I chose Jesus because He resonates with me.
I used to set my alarm every day for 4:54 AM to wake up in time to watch Joyce Meyer at 5:00 AM. On this particular morning, Joyce was talking to me. She talked about MY beliefs, MY all inclusive beliefs, and how different people call God by different names. I was right there! Wow! I couldn't believe Joyce Meyer "got" me! I was thrilled! Then she stopped and looked through the camera, through my TV screen and into my eyes and said,"But I choose to follow THE ONE that rose from the grave and is alive today."
Oh Lord! Forgive me! I knew not what I was doing! In that moment, I understood. I called our church later that morning and asked to be baptized.
Humph! This was going to be short... sorry! ; D