Monday, July 19, 2010

It's about time!

I have finally had enough of being fat! There. I said it!
I started on hCG injections one week ago and I'm down ten pounds! Yippeeeeee!
I'm thrilled about that. Just a nice even 100 to go. When I think about how I let myself get to this point, I really have no idea how I let myself get so fat! It has really gotten in the way of me living my life. I've avoided contact with old friends because I was ashamed of how big I'd let myself become. I corresponded with one of my oldest friends and she sent a current picture of herself... in a bikini! She certainly didn't look anywhere near fifty. I should have written back to her telling her how great she looked; instead I kept silent and didn't respond at all.

I know what my weight gain triggers have been, but I thought I had dealt with them long ago. I suppose I hadn't completely.

Back when I began working at age 17, sexual harassment was part of having a job. It happened at every job (I would leave after six months) and I was too timid to speak up. I thought it was my fault. So for every job where it happened, I'd put on about five pounds. The actual harassment stopped many years ago, but the shame and feelings of being violated live on.

About five years ago, I was certain that I had it all dealt with. I had started Weight Watchers and was doing great - I losing weight and feeling good about myself. I used to help write and edit a monthly newletter for a friend. After moving to Midland, two hours away, I would drive up, we'd work all day, I'd spend the night, finish the next day and drive home to label and stamp them.

One night, she had a late pedicure appointment. I didn't give a second thought to being alone in the house with her husband... but I should have. He came on to me, asked if he could kiss me, I said "NO!" but he did anyway. I was so shocked and repulsed by this ugly old pervert AND at the same time all those old feelings came back. Somehow I felt it must be my fault. I went in my room and barricaded the door until her return. When I told her, she had a completely blank look of disbelief. I got the impression that this wasn't the first time she had heard this and it probably wouldn't be the last.

To add insult to injury I didn't tell my sweet Rakey right away. At the time, he was not doing well and I didn't want to add to his burden. When I finally told him, he was wonderful, of course! He knew that I was blameless and reminded me that when I'd first met my friends' husband, I had told Rakey that he gave me the creeps and "I don't ever want to be alone around that man." Hmmm. I wish I had remembered that when I needed to!

Well wish me luck!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Why is that?!

I walked into the room and caught the last 3-4 minutes of Mrs. Doubtfire. Sally Field goes to answer the door and, when she opens it, the littlest girl says softly, "Daddy!" I wasn't even looking at it and I cried!

Let's try it again!

So much has happened since I last posted. I had stoppped because I thought I didn't have much to say. Then Facebook came along and I realized, who am I fooling?! I have a lot to say, though not everyone will want to read it!

So expect some updates from me!

Monday, July 13, 2009

God is SO good!

We had some excitement today. Our neighbor came over and asked if I had noticed the police cars on the street. I had noticed one car, but once outside, I saw several police cars. Rakey spoke to one of the officers and was told that our part of the block needed to be evacuated. There was a man in a house a few doors down, who had barricaded himself in with several firearms. Georgia, our neighbor, said she almost asked the cops if they realized this is trash day, but was glad she hadn't. The more I thought about that, the funnier it became. I'm glad I didn't talk to the police - I probably would have asked!

SO, I was in the middle of a mail merge and needed mailing labels anyway; I picked up my laptop & my purse, put on flip flops and walked out. It was a bit surreal walking out the front door in shorts and tee shirt seeing two SWAT team members in full gear with rifles drawn peering around the oleanders across the street. I waved to them, got in my car and high-tailed out of here!

As soon as I left the block, I felt burdened by the desperation the man must have been feeling. I pulled over in the shade and called another prayer warrior. We prayed until we felt release. Then I went about my rat killing (not actual rats - running errands around town).

Later, I called the police department and asked if I could go home. They said no, not yet. I sent out an urgent prayer request. I went to my friend Darlynna's house and afterwhile, we heard on the news that the standoff had ended. The man had fallen asleep! The police robot, who looked remarkably like Number Johnny Five, entered the house through the front window and the police could see on remote video that he was sleeping. No one was injured. The man was transported to the hospital for evaluation.

Isn't our God good? Who can fall asleep with the police and SWAT team outside your house without supernatural intervention?

Sunday, July 5, 2009

STILL not gonna steal my joy!

P.S. The washer is still waiting for repair. The service person is scheduled to come on July 9th. I have a sweet friend that loves to do laundry so she invited to me to her house to wash clothes. I know! LOVES to do laundry! She told me that as she folds the laundry, she prays over each piece. Isn't that the sweetest? As she folds the t-shirts, she prays for strength for her husband and that his shoulders will be strong enough to bear the weight of his responsibilities. As she pairs the socks, she prays that the path will be straight and that they walk in the way of the Lord. The when she folds the underwear, for her sons, she prayed for chastity and for her husband, she prays that he be kept from temptation.

When I came home, I began doing the same with our laundry.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Finally! An update!

I started Bible College last week. I expected it to be "school" as I remembered it. I went prepared with something salty, something sweet and something with caffeine. I couldn't believe how quickly the time went by! Our one smoker finally asked for a break. I love it! It's going to be a lot of work, but I love it!

I expected support from friends. Silly me! I told my "best" friend. She scoffed and told me that she thought my timing was poor because I'm just restarting my jewelry business. Hmmm... supportive? I think not. Could it be that she is my up-line and let her own selfishness speak?

I have to remember that I'm living for an audience of one. Just in case anyone thinks by that I mean,"I'm self-centered and I don't care what anybody else thinks," that's not it. What I mean is that I want to please God and if someone doesn't like it, I don't care! If you haven't tried it, BELIEVE ME it isn't the same thing! Nah, don't believe me, try it. It's one of those things that's simple but not easy.

We went to a 4th of July / Birthday party yesterday for one of our friends. She doesn't tell her age, but she is a great grandmother. The party was at her house. It rained so it was much cooler than originally expected. Everything was great! Good company. Good food. Great music...

What do you do when children are rude and their parents do nothing or just don't notice? In the living room was limited space and very limited seating. On of the guests had been asked to sing a couple of songs and everyone crowded in. There were three children of different parents sitting in prime spots - comfy chair and comfy sofa - playing games on their phones or whatever. Headphones on! Either tell them to sit on the floor and let some of the elder folks sit down or go outside and let some of the elder folks sit down! I held my tongue but it wasn't easy! Overall though, it was a very nice evening and I'm glad we went.

These days, it seems that whatever friends home we go to, they have a grand or baby grand piano. I suppose we have room for a piano but then we would need to learn to play. This probably would be bad timing for that. : D

Friday, June 19, 2009

trying to steal my joy...

In the past twenty-four hours, the enemy has tried to steal my overwhelming joy and I keep laughing at him... it began with our sweet dogs, Tinkle & Lady Poops-a-lot, making certain the the carpet was not clean for our daughters' visit. I have a favorite pair of shoes that is getting a little worn, and I picked up a second pair on sale a couple of weeks ago. They've been worn once. Daisy was over on the floor chewing away on something and when I saw that it was a pair of flip-flops, I told her NO and replaced the flip-flops with one of her chewy bones. Apparently, the rawhide doesn't have quite enough of that good leather flavor, so a few minutes later I notice her happily chewing away on my new pair of shoes! I took them away from her and replaced them with her chewy AGAIN! This morning, I was packing up my jewelry for Allie's show and I heard crunching. Hmmm. Daisy was chewing on the windowsill. I made our bed, fresh and pretty with all the pillows. I changed the sheets on Natasha's bed. Took the down blanket out of the dry cleaner wrap and laid it on the bed and noticed a large tan-colored stain on the white blanket! Bravely I smelled the spot; surprisingly it smelled good... and then I recognized the scent of the diffuser from the back of my car. It must have spilled on the clean blanket. No problem! It was time for me to get dressed for the jewelry show. I had chosen my outfit last night. I went and put it on and noticed that I needed a camisole. No problem! They were in the washer - my fourth load of laundry of the day. Hmmm... I don't remember a soak in this cycle... I went to check the laundry. The washer has died. Oh well, no time to call the repair guy. Got to the jewelry show. Everything went well. I only forgot my phone and my datebook. Fortunately, I'm just restarting my business so I knew my schedule. It all worked out and my joy is still mine! Whooooo hooooo! Thank you Lord!